“I used to give a fuck, now I give a fuck less.” – Jay-Z “Success”
We are all guilty of caring about the wrong things. We have priorities in our lives that we will willfully ignore just to worry about something stupid that doesn’t matter. I was the king of that shit and I’m not proud of it. I own it but it’s a filthy habit that I want no parts of. It’s like that girl/guy that you hook up with after a party. Yeah they gave you a bit of activity but you know that you were dead wrong for getting intimate with them in the first place. If you know better then you do better.
When they said, “Don’t sweat the small things” either I didn’t listen or I skipped that class to play Crazy Taxi (classic!) at the local arcade. I was way too observant and sometimes a tad bit over analytical. For years, I thought I was defective and it took maturity to realize that I did not belong on the island of misfit toys. Let’s be bloody and brutally honest for second: I tried to be cool and impress dickheads. Yes, DICKHEADS! and it took being around the right people to know that I didn’t need those lower life forms in my environment. In college, I associated with dickheads that I thought I had to be another version of myself around because I believed that they wouldn’t understand or LIKE the real Mike. I would dress a certain way, say things to not offend others even if my thoughts were completely different from theirs. I thought that I had to give a shit about all those people and their goofy ass perceptions of me to live a easy going life. As the late Charlie Murphy exclaimed during his legendary story about playing basketball with Prince, “WRONG!”. Yes I was wrong and again I own that like ugly pair of AND 1 basketball sneakers. By the way, I had no idea AND 1s were frowned upon in the early 2000s which would explain my lack of dates.
I transitioned. I’m happy to say that I no longer give a shit and to be quite honest, I haven’t for a while now. I care about family, friends, and what’s important in MY life. As far as what others think of me or their perceptions of this nutty world, it doesn’t register. I know that we all have a need to be informed but there are instances where it feels like an addiction to chaos. I’ve came to the conclusion long ago that we live in shitty times and it becomes even more so by the minute. I will not let this reality throw me into mind fuck where paranoia is the only known language. If the world is going to burn then allow me to have the best seat in the house instead of focusing on trying to avoid the inevitable.
As much as I’d love to credit the miscreants that I loathe, I’m the only one to “blame” for my transformation. I grew tired of being Atlas. I would amass so much drama filled weight on my shoulders for nothing. I’d look out for others that wouldn’t look out for me. I’d be left with stress and resentment toward people that I knew weren’t shit in the first place but somewhere along my journey I started to believe in that whole “benefit of the doubt” idea which really shouldn’t be applied to everybody. I mean let’s face it, some people are walking kettles of poisoned green tea looking for the next person to take a sip of their venomous contents. I don’t want nor do I need to have someone’s bad juju polluting what I have on this side of the tracks. Like Big Pun stated on “It’s So Hard”, “Go THAT way! Loser!”
Each day I become more and more comfortable with being your friendly neighborhood asshole with a heart of gold. I just don’t care anymore. Any bridge that I burn, I can build a new one in a location where the the zoning board won’t try to stick me for my paper. Not caring about the wackiness that often happens in life will make more room to keep a firm grip on what’s really real to you. Not caring about appeasing those that you don’t know nor will take the time to know you is also very, very beneficial. Keep it moving.