RANT

You Played Yourself… Funkmaster Flex

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“You had one job, Flex! ONE JOB!”

And yet, with all of his threats that turned out to be empty promises, he dropped the ball in true, cornball fashion. If you ask me, this is what Flex absolutely deserves. If the origin of the Meek Mill vs Drake fiasco wasn’t ridiculous enough, his antics and unnecessary role as the self appointed prime instigator made matters much more preposterous. It wouldn’t be that incredulous to know that Pumpfakemaster Flex’s claims of releasing the alleged references of Drake’s tracks for the love the culture were actually an artifice for gaining ratings for his radio program.

I used to have a lot of respect for Funk Flex in the mid 90s. The few volumes of 60 minutes of Funk, the collaborative project, The Tunnel with Big Kap, and a variety of mixtapes that I bought after high school were part of NY Hip-Hop education. He even had that collaboration with Lugz (I had a pair or two back in middle school and high school…Go ahead , Judge me!) that I only saw advertised on BET and in rap magazines. All goofiness aside, Flex is a Hip-Hop legend and you have to respect his early contributions to the art form but as of late, he’s done more to tarnish his legacy than to strengthen it.

His rants are embarrassingly hysterical with all of those bomb sound effects that he’ll drop randomly after speaking two or three words. He speaks in a very unbelievable intimidating tone of voice and since we’re all used to the shenanigans by now, we know that the Great and Powerful FLEX is nothing more than a little man behind the curtain doing his best to convince us otherwise. The level of sycophancy is some of his interviews makes my stomach turn at times. But what was the point of trying to insert himself in the disagreement between Meek and Drake? Threatening to release more reference tracks – three or four – to further a witch hunt against October’s Very Own with what he thought would be career ending accusations in the name of what? Ratings?! Damn, homie! On Hot 97 you used to be the man, homie! What in the hell happened to that?! This latest stunt backfired and he only has himself to blame. Nice one, Genius.

Shout out to Charlamagne The God of 105.1’s The Breakfast Club for making Flex the well deserved Donkey of The Day for making so many listeners tune into that whack radio show waiting for a Meek Mill diss that he never played or had in his possession. I’ll quote Will “Fresh Prince” Smith’s advice to his younger cousin Ashley on what to tell her bully because I feel like it fits this situation so well, “Just mind your business, just mind your business!” Flex played himself better than John Malkovich in Being John Malkovich.