Life

#WeirdIsTheNewBlack

Processed with VSCOcam with b5 preset
My “Weird Is the new black” tattoo

You really have to understand the world outside of the box to fully comprehend the kind of person that I am. I’m a different kind of individual; Look inside Webster’s Dictionary and find the word for freaky and you’ll see my face with a left eyebrow raised in indignation. I am the antimatter and as much as I tried to be like everybody else, it just didn’t happen; the essence of my true being seeped through the mask that I tried to wear. Thinking that I had to be like my peers set me back majorly: Extreme introversion, minor depression, and other feelings of detachment made me feel like Dracula as he shielded himself against the rays of the sun.

I should’ve been used to it but it’s something I never grasped until my 20s. Around the age of 6 or 7, I stopped growing normally and it wasn’t until my middle school guidance counselor suggested that I see her colleague, the late Dr. Thomas Moshang an endocrinologist at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, that I became aware of any disorder. During the summer of 1997, I was diagnosed with Hypopituitarism (the pituitary gland hits the snooze button) and my treatment consisted of daily injections of Genotropin (growth hormone) along with a synthroid pill for my thyroid to function normally. I took these shots over the course of five years and I never told anyone about it while in school (not even college). Self-conscious about my height and lack of luck with women (went to my junior prom alone and totally nixed my senior prom) set the mode for pointless insecurities.

I grew to about 5 feet 5 inches which is still short but it’s better than what I could’ve been. My voice went lower which snatched me from being a tenor during high school and dropped off in the lane of the basses by senior year. Video games, comic books, and anything else that kept me away from a world that I didn’t like and being called “weird” by my close cousin would seriously annoy me. Awkward. I didn’t really have a tight grip on style and the gear that I got from TJ Maxx on my employee discount did little to assist in that department.

The people that I thought were my friends just wanted to take advantage. I should’ve known better but I thought that I needed their acceptance. I really lowered myself just try and seem cool and that’s NEVER the way. But let’s fast forward a bit to why I decided on this tattoo in the first place. There was this girl that I was somewhat cool with (sexually attracted to her if nothing else) but she wasn’t really my type intellectually. If I said anything or made a joke that she didn’t “get”, she’d call me “weird” or a “weirdo” and it really pissed me off though I never let her know it.

This year, I embraced the “weird” by using it as my red badge of courage. I am a fucking weirdo… freakier than 2 Humpty Humps and as cool as Lando Calrissian running with rebels in Cloud City. A nerd of the third kind and that’s how I get down and I take pride in my eccentricities. Still playing video games, reading comics, and getting tattoos. I love myself for who I am and most importantly I value myself for what I’m not.

It’s 3:27 AM… I’m going to sleep.